Cindy

I have been in the ”progressive,” “anti-racist” environmental nonprofit field for over a decade. I have an environmental law degree and have even taken on increasingly more challenging roles and responsibilities with each job change. I expected a lot more from progressives – as they certainly like to talk the talk when it comes to BLM, environmental justice, equity, and “anti-racism.” However, for anyone reading the news about the attempts at all the national green groups attempting to retaliate against workers for unionization, we know that is not the case.  

Throughout my career, as a Chinese American woman, I have had to be more qualified, boast more credentials, work more hours, and prove myself beyond a measurable doubt than my White counterparts. In order to do a policy role, I have to have a JD compared with some of my White counterparts that only have a Bachelors. And whereas I have a director title with no staff to supervisor, my white counterpart does. Where national organizations have come out with statements supporting BLM, black, brown and indigenous solidarity, they have stayed silent on Asian hate issues. This is so deeply frustrating. 

Over the years, I have witnessed people booing whenever the words “China” or “Vietnam” were mentioned (in regard to wildlife trafficking) at meetings at a wildlife advocacy group.  

I have also been paid over $35,000 less than my white male counterpart at another nonprofit. This individual did not even have a graduate or law degree. When I confronted my board at the time, I was told I had to “prove myself.”

At my current job, they are really trying to lean into DEI. We hired a diversity consultant who explicitly told management (people in places of power) that AAPI were not people of color. I also had a white male co-worker who was trying to be “woke,” so he stated that me and my female co-workers were “carbon copies” of each other (in his rant justifying his desire for racial diversity at the organization). Yet I am the only non-white person on staff.  In addition to being made invisible, I am also expected to do as much work as my coworker who has staff and more resources. And in our quest for “equity,” we are always saying that we need to consider “diverse” candidates without college or graduate degrees for their lived experiences so long as they fit what people project as “diverse” (ie. not AAPI).

I don’t know if this is just my trauma speaking, but I don’t feel like I have upward mobility within any organization because I don’t have the right “face” for funders, nor are Asian women looked to as “leaders.” I am under no illusion that it is better elsewhere, as my organization is just a reflection of the waters that we swim in. I truly just want to be content, stable, and not constantly looking for jobs. I just want the American Dream – to be seen, appreciated, and compensated appropriately for my gifts and talents– and to pay off my student loans that I was required to get, just to get a foot in the door.